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Sat, Apr. 21st, 2012, 01:07 pm
Strategy For How I Met A Good Man

"You always find the best ones when you stop looking for them."

Having left a frustrating up-and-down relationship, I decided I was through with men as dating partners. In fact, I was done with relationships all together. First, I decided to swear off sex and dating for a whole year (voluntarily). Since I wasn't relationship seeking, I would only converse with those who had authentic common interests. Every time a stranger tried to talk to me, I would go over the following mantra:

* I don't want anything from you.
* I am not going to give you anything.
* I am not going to have sex with you.

Once I took these items out of the equation, I found that most people had nothing of interest to say to me; I concluded these conversations quickly. The people I did speak to had interests in common with me at the time, and we had some spectacular great conversations which I might not have had if I had wasted all my time trapped in less meaningful chatter.

Be mindful that, when people have an initial attraction, it is natural for them to attempt to find a common interest when their really isn't one. If you say, "I like hang-gliding" and their response is, "Hang-gliding, I've always wanted to try that" it does not mean "I like hang-gliding, also" but rather "I think you are cute/funny/interesting and I am not opposed to hang-gliding or talking about hang-gliding if it means I can glom onto your cute/funny/interesting-ness." Walk away.