Today there is no real check-in, so I can take a break, step back, and consider how to proceed. It was also the day I met my dad's new fiance and celebrated his birthday (early) by taking him to dinner. I made soy ice cream in the morning, and it came out so well my vow to stop eating dairy-based ice cream should not be too hard to accomplish. The less "Jade-poison" I consume the better, and these are a slow series of compromises between my happiness and my health.
If I had counted points today, on the regular schedule, it would be 6/14 or 43%.
But I need to adjust the schedule from here going forward, to remove Trouble who said "we have too much history for me to be in your support network". The way things stand, although I love him, I don't see us ever getting back together. Someone who can't support me in my time of need does not deserve me later. I don't blame him; it's hard to support someone with both chronic mental and physical issues, especially when one is in treatment (because it brings all those problems to the front). For us to be together, he would have to make changes, be a different and better version of himself... and when one becomes a different person (as we all do constantly) who knows if the relationship grows closer or further apart? Time will tell.
Each day that goes by and I learn to slowly accept the distance between us, likewise the distance between AgtOrange and myself grows together. He HAS supported me through the worst of times and continues to encourage and support me. Though far from perfect, he is often my voice of reason.
I miss Tashok. I see her online all the time and it saddens me that circumstance has removed us by years of missed experiences. I am torn between wanting her happiness and wanting to be around her again. Of course, her happiness wins out, but I'm sad nonetheless. There are a few regrets there, but I don't think anything would have changed if I could go back in time. It was just the way things were, and are, and will probably be.
It is also time that I begin writing again, not just journaling but actual storytelling. And I should actually schedule Facebook time, since it relaxes me and gives me a sense of community and because having downtime is just as important as having worktime. Schedules should be a flexible thing, to adjust to better suit goals, so it is important to take the time out and think reflectively, in order to plan ahead. And that, my friends, is today's revelation.