The Jade Pages

Strategy For How I Met A Good Man

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 17:07:59 GMT

"You always find the best ones when you stop looking for them."

Having left a frustrating up-and-down relationship, I decided I was through with men as dating partners. In fact, I was done with relationships all together. First, I decided to swear off sex and dating for a whole year (voluntarily). Since I wasn't relationship seeking, I would only converse with those who had authentic common interests. Every time a stranger tried to talk to me, I would go over the following mantra:

* I don't want anything from you.
* I am not going to give you anything.
* I am not going to have sex with you.

Once I took these items out of the equation, I found that most people had nothing of interest to say to me; I concluded these conversations quickly. The people I did speak to had interests in common with me at the time, and we had some spectacular great conversations which I might not have had if I had wasted all my time trapped in less meaningful chatter.

Be mindful that, when people have an initial attraction, it is natural for them to attempt to find a common interest when their really isn't one. If you say, "I like hang-gliding" and their response is, "Hang-gliding, I've always wanted to try that" it does not mean "I like hang-gliding, also" but rather "I think you are cute/funny/interesting and I am not opposed to hang-gliding or talking about hang-gliding if it means I can glom onto your cute/funny/interesting-ness." Walk away.

I Took a Look

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 16:45:56 GMT

I took a look around my life
and it was bleak and empty.

Never you mind, I said
to crayola grey skies

I know the meaning of dark and lies
and grey may be neverending

But somewhere beyond the endless stone
is a candle to light within me.

Late Night Noises

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 07:51:58 GMT

It's 0346 and I can't sleep, which in and of itself is alright (I just meditate lying down when this happens; I figure it is restful), but then I got hungry. No matter how tired I am, I absolutely can't sleep if I'm even a little hungry.

So I get up to make a snack. I figure heating up some water for the beet & goat cheese raviolis I made recently can't be so very loud, right? (BTW, those are two ingredients I hate but they combine to make an awesome ravioli.) I should have known better. The quieter I try to be, especially when I'm tired, the louder I end up. In the morning I'm a goddamn bull in a china shop, I swear, and many folks have complained. The careful neuron, never very active, is still sleeping in the morning.

The end result is, quiet and using only the stove light, I proceed to knock over the stack of pan lids in the cabinet while reaching for a pot. To which AgentOrange wakes up with 'What the Jesus' while I profusely apologize, "sorry, sorry, go back to sleep, sorry".

*sigh* I try. I really do.

The HealthCare Your Tax Dollars Pay For

Tue, 27 Sep 2011 21:34:37 GMT

This is what happens when you cut things like Medicaid.

I probably have strep, having picked it up by talking to a sick friend for a bit on Tuesday. By Thursday I was debating whether or not I wanted to hit the walk-in clinic, on account my left tonsil was swollen and covered in white patches and hurt like hell when I swallowed. But as I didn't have any kind of fever or any other symptoms, I decided to wait one more day and see if it got better on its own. The clinic opens at 0900. I woke up at 0830 Friday morning with both tonsils swollen and painful. Due to the illness slowing me down and getting a little turned around while traveling, I didn't arrive until 0940. I took the VERY LAST morning appointment, which was at 1140. Got to watch the poor bastard after me get turned away and told to come back for the afternoon walk-in which starts at 1430. Having done this before, I know it is best to wait because you might be slipped in early if you do.

Settled down with a good book. Sure enough, at 1110 I was called to the back and saw the doctor. The rapid strep test came back negative, but when she looked at my throat it looked very much like strep. The rapid test is only about 80%, she told me, and is prone to giving false negatives.

She started me on antibiotics and took a couple other throat swabs for different things it could be and told me to start the medication for strep right away, but that the official test results wouldn't be done until Monday (at which point someone would call me). I went direct to the pharmacy, where they proceeded to misplace my initial prescription and then, forty minutes later, inform me that my insurance (which is unison, the DC equivalent of Medicaid) wouldn't cover high-strength amoxicillin, it needed prior authorization.

"How in hell is someone supposed to get pre-approved for amoxicillin? Should I just call in if I think I'm going to be sick sometime soon?"

The pharmacy tech agreed, but there was nothing she could do. Thankfully, amoxicillin is super-cheap so I just paid for it. After an hour waiting for meds, I was able to finally go.

Only they didn't call me with test results yesterday. I waited all day; no phone call. Early this afternoon I called them and left a message with the nurse for my results. A couple of hours went by and they didn't call me back (and I was on hold for 30 minutes just to leave that message). So I went to the clinic again, figuring it might be easier in person.

At first the front desk wanted me to use the phone in the waiting room to call the nurse's office, but I explained to her I had already done that and no one had called me back. So she went back to see what was going on. Turns out, no one had called me back because all the nurses had already left for the day (this happens when you are frighteningly understaffed from budget cuts). This is also why, although they have three front desk terminals, I've almost never seen more than two being used at one time (and many times it is just one person looking very stressed).

"The only thing I can do is leave a message for the doctor who saw you." I unhappily agreed. There's a good chance that doctor might not even be working today. All this is very frustrating, because as usual, the amoxicillin is about to give me a horrific yeast infection (I made sure to have the doctor write me an rx for that at the same time) and will probably start causing diarrhea soon, so I'd really like to know if I need to keep taking it. And for some reason, it is drying out my mouth this time around so I also have 4 canker sores where my teeth rub against my cheek, with a 5th one on the way. If it's a virus I don't need antibiotics, and if it is something besides strep it might require different antibiotics (in either case, all this awful is for nothing).

I'm pretty sure it IS strep, on account I'm feeling so much better throat-wise. And I'm still taking the meds, of course. But I wish there weren't so many continual budget cuts to healthcare. I wouldn't have had to pay for my antibiotic and someone would have called me back by now. Not to mention it wouldn't take a million years for a regular visit and you wouldn't have to sit at your doctor's office for three hours infecting everyone with strep.

funwithgoogle

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 19:39:54 GMT

funwithgoogle, a photo by Jadxia on Flickr.

Response to VID: MIchele Bachmann: 'I don't judge gays'

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 15:39:57 GMT

http://youtu.be/TjMnFnrS2t4

"You know, all these kinds of questions, really aren't what people are concerned about right now." -- Michele Bachmann

Really? What am I, chopped gay liver? I AM concerned. Does a family have to be the 'traditional' nuclear family? What about divorced couples? Those who have remarried? Single families? Grandparents raising grandkids?

The 'traditional' nuclear family isn't even traditional. What IS traditional is polygamy, the kind that leads to cults and old men marrying young women. And women back then couldn't be president. So why do we go back to old-fashioned family values. You, Michele Bachmann, can be a second or third wife and give up this ridiculous run for office.

Wondering Where I've Been?

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 19:22:12 GMT

I'm sure you've noticed I don't spend much time here lately. That is because I have been working very hard on a 'professional' blog. (Okay, so I haven't made any money and probably won't, but it is styled like a professional blog.) So this is a shameless self-promotion of my movie review website, MovieOutburst.com.

Mostly I enjoy witty comedies and foreign dramas, but there's a slurry of other stuff in there as well. Much of it I see on Netflix.

And no, I don't mind so much that Netflix is upping their prices. I'm watching 10-20 movies a month (this month I have nineteen reviews so far), and several shows. For twenty bucks a month, I can totally dig it. We're thinking of scrapping cable entirely, and just catching current shows we like from iTunes.

SO GO TO MovieOutburst.com and 'like' it on Facebook!

There is also a TwitterFeed @MvBurst. If you don't have Twitter, you can still view the feed at http://www.twitter.com/MvBurst. It includes whenever I post new reviews, quotes I like from movies I am watching, and interesting thinks I see from other movie reviewers.

For a more media-based format, there is a Facebook Fanpage. Note that you'll have to be on Facebook to see it. I'm hoping to soon have enough fans to get the coveted personalized URL. The fanpage features occasional short movies and funny or interesting videos, and links to cool art/media stuff I see hanging around the web.

As you can see, I've been a very busy gal.

Hamburgers

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:57:22 GMT

hamburgers, a photo by Jadxia on Flickr.

The hamburgers my boyfriend made using my homemade buns. The patties are bison mixed with bacon fat, soy sauce and a touch of Sriracha. Topping them is cheddar, caramelized onions, and ketchup. My burgers were onion, ketchup, and a homemade chipotle-mayo. Nom nom nom.

Homemade Hamburger Buns

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 03:54:34 GMT

hamburger buns, a photo by Jadxia on Flickr.

This is my first attempt, and they were delicious. Boyfriend did not want to let me buy a $30 hamburger bun pan (from KAF), declaring it 'ridiculous' and a 'waste of space'. Post-hamburger, he retracted his previous comments.

More Adventures in Food

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 00:10:56 GMT

I'm busy baking a banana-blueberry-rum cake right now. Came up with the idea because I had two overripe bananas (most recipes call for three), I've been putting booze in all my fruit (made maraschinos yesterday) and I still had half a tub of sour cream just sitting in the fridge.

Hope it turns out well.

In the meantime, I keep thinking blueberries and mushrooms would be a winning combination in... something. So I turned to the handy-dandy internet and discovered a) a lovely looking pot roast, and b) blueberry mushroom risotto (aka purple rice).

I'm going with the latter at some point soon. It just sounds amazing. I can replace the Parmesan with my leftover Iberico cheese.

http://creativecooknson.blogspot.com/2011/06/blueberry-mushroom-risotto.html

Nom nom nom.

Curry Days -- Naan Recipe

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 00:43:00 GMT

Today was one of those awful days where you just want to crawl back into bed and throw the covers over you. I got up in severe pain, after several pain-free days, and immediately visited the Motrin. (In fact, the joint pain was so bad I poked my boyfriend awake just to open the bottle so I could get to the ibuprofen.)

Sat down to Facebook but my games were acting up. Trouble wanted me to go to brunch with him (you know who you are), and that's when I remembered I had wanted to go see the Folklife festival on its final day and watch the free viewing of Bodyguards & Assassins. Only it was noon already, I wasn't dressed, and AgtOrange had simply rolled over after getting my meds open. I could have done one or the other, brunch or movie, but I couldn't justify skipping all of my planned work for the day just for brunch, I still don't have a working camera for photos of the festival, and I wasn't about to go to the movie viewing and sit through it hungry (no food or drink allowed in the Smithsonian gallery). Then to top it off I had only left socks (one clean of each kind) and my only lightweight clean pants were the ones with the button missing. Piss.

And for whatever reason I was feeling hormonal, or maybe it was my blood sugar tanking, and I'm leaking tears for no good reason and contemplating giving up for the day. Decided not to go out, and in fact, just to not do anything. AgtOrange, a bit grumpy because I'd dragged him from bed in my funk, decided that he and I would go out to eat.

"Forget it, I don't need food. Forget the whole thing."

"Oh no, because you will just get worse and then I'll have to listen to you bitch all day long."

He suggested Indique because they are not too far and we'd been wanting to go since our normal Indian place closed down. It was nice, although a bit overpriced. I was not put off by a deconstructed version of the samosa, but I was distressed by it coming to me lukewarm. My lamb vindaloo, mango lassi, and cucumber raita perfect and the service was excellent. The naan is made in an open kitchen the traditional way, which accounts for its hefty pricetag. I would have enjoyed myself thoroughly had I not been in an agony of pain, though, and desiring only to curl up and disappear behind a hot, preferably chocolate, preferably alcoholic, drink.

So we boxed up most of my vindaloo with a little rice. The kitchen closed before we were done, so I didn't get any naan to go with my leftovers. Came home to watch documentaries for the MovieOutburst.com website and lay on the couch, eating cheetos and drinking green tea.

Now I want my vindaloo, but I really want some naan. Attempting to make this using only ingredients I have in my kitchen, and a regular oven, for the first time ever. Here is the recipe.

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS FOR A BETTER NAAN RECIPE
RECIPE FOR NAAN
1 pkg active dry yeast
3/4 c. warm water
1 teaspoon sugar

2 1/2 cups flour (I used 1.5 cups all-purpose, which is what the recipe called for, and 1 cup of cake flour, which is closer to traditional maida flour. You can use either.)
1 tsp. salt (I'm lucky enough to have bread salt, but that's b/c I'm a snob.)

1/4 c. ghee I have this because I'm lactose intolerant, and ghee is just clarified butter with most of the lactose removed. You can also use vegetable shortening.
3 Tbsp. plain yoghurt Now this is the one ingredient essential to naan that I did not have (that lactose thing again). So I used an equal amount of sour cream, leftover from my biscotti recipe I did ages ago. Sour cream just never seems to go, well, sour.

Dissolve yeast and sugar in water. Let sit a few minutes to make sure yeast is activated.

In medium mixing bowl, combine flour and salt. Add yeast water, yogurt, and ghee, combining until dough forms. It should be very soft and slightly sticky. Knead dough 5-10 minutes. Place dough in greased bowl and let rise until doubled (60-90 minutes).

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Divide dough into 10 pieces, roll out into circles. Place dough on greased cookie sheet or baking stone (I have the latter) and brush with melted butter (optional). Cook for 8 minutes or until lightly puffed up.

Nom nom nom.

Crime Scene Jeans

Wed, 01 Jun 2011 23:22:18 GMT

So one of my slightly degenerate friends gave me a free pair of gently used Tommy Hilfiger jeans. Said they'd come from another of their (probably much more degenerate) friends, only the jeans didn't fit so they thought I might be able to use them.

Grateful that someone of that circle had thought of me, I happily accepted. The jeans do fit, but it was only after trying them on that I noticed a tiny stain on the front. It's either chocolate or a blood splash, and I'm pretty sure it ain't chocolate.

Anyone want a pair of jeans?

Wandering in Circles, Counter-Clockwise

Fri, 20 May 2011 20:38:41 GMT

I am literally going in circles in my apartment today. First a stint at the desk, to read emails, organizing electronic flotsam, and play "stalkbook" games. Then, after my already sore back starts to hurt from hunching, I go to my bed to lie down (which is where a dining room would be in a normal place). It's a book I've read dozens of times and usually enjoy rereading, but today it isn't holding my attention for more than a few chapters.

So, after thirty minutes of reading interspersed with gazing off into the kitchen, I get up and cook something or clean something. I want to do a full Cinderella of the kitchen, on account I need to check every grain productand wipe down all the shelves after I discovered a weevil-infested bag of flour. Next time, I'll remember to freeze my incoming flour bags. Cleaning out the freezer and fridge are extra penance, since I should know better.

Well, I can't clean for long (that durn back again), so when the scrubbing slows to a painful crawl I head out to the couch to get some movie watching done. This film ain't gonna watch itself (although, it's a Kaufman, so maybe it could).

From the couch, the desk is just a quick glance away. Then it's on to wondering what my guild is up to in Castle Age, and if Frontierville is working yet, and how I really need to track down a butterfly in Fairyland. Next thing I know, I'm at the computer, cursing my hands which already ache.

A Trip to the Liquor Store

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 23:59:28 GMT

While I am not much of a drinker, I recently discovered this liqueur called Benedictine which I'd never heard of before. (Benedictine is the original, sweet liqueur behind the popular B&B drink, which I'd also never heard of. They dilute the sweetness with brandy.)

Any booze originally created my monks is fascinating to me. AgtOrange was sweet enough to buy me a bottle. I'd been harping for a bottle of Grenadine, because it is easier to drink the occasional Roy Rogers rather than keep a case of cola and cherry cola in the fridge at the same time. Also replenished my Bailey's Mint (for the magic cocoa), my wine and rum (used solely for cooking), and got a bottle of Midori (for my personal favorite refreshing beverage, Midori & Sprite).

Anyway, it tastes just like honey and herbs with an alcoholic kick. So I thought a sour, citrus-type drink would work well. Boy was I right.

My latest beverage creation:

juice of 2 oranges
juice of 2 tangerines
1 or 1.5 oz. Benedictine
splash of lemon juice

Put in a tall glass and fill the rest with 7-Up. Yummy. Barely alcoholic, but what a lovely blend of flavors! I'm sold.

Unwanted Day

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 22:44:06 GMT

Sky the color of cold,
an egg of light breaks over
a thinly threaded horizon.
My hands streaked with golden
as I try to stuff back the night.

Band Perry -- If I Die Young

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 20:16:02 GMT

Tonight I'm Having One of Those Nights

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:19:03 GMT

It's been one of those nights, tonight.
You know the ones I'm talking about.

When 3a.m. is wishful thinking and the distance between yourself and the edge of the night isn't so very far.

I know this is only temporary. I know that tomorrow, when I wake up, I won't feel as if I've been turned 90 degrees from the rest of the world.

But tonight. It's just been one of those nights.

Woke Up This Morning, All Downhill from There

Sat, 02 Apr 2011 12:44:44 GMT

Woke up today tired and depressed. It's MomentumCon this weekend, but I am too depressed to bother going to listen to people talk. I'll probably still go to the red & black ball tonight, but I will probably sit around and drink like a lump. I am less pleased with my outfit than I was. I wish I wasn't going alone (which is odd for me, usually I prefer to go to events like these alone).

I feel lonely. I feel alienated from my boyfriend, who can't understand why I would ever have wanted to listen to people talk about sex, sex related issues and feminism any more than I can understand why he would listen to podcasts FOR FUN.

The humidity in the house dropped again, so this morning I couldn't breathe (it easily gets too low for the hygrometer to measure, which means below 20%). I don't know why our apartment gets so dry, it's dryer than the outside air... I'd say it is the heat system but the heat has barely been on. And I'm sure not getting proper oxygen is not contributing to my mood, neither is my PMS.

More Medicaid Frustrations -- This Effed Up HealthCare System

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 20:18:43 GMT

It turns out that DC has THREE KINDS of Medicaid, not one (and no, I'm not confusing this with Medicare). Generally, a person starts with regular Medicaid, then is switched to one of two companies or 'Managed Health Care Systems' that make all the payments. The initial Medicaid is the good one, like a PPO, while the managed systems are like shitty HMOs. Now I started on DC Alliance, which was not Medicaid, it was a city-run program that later turned into Medicaid. The reason it morphed is that under Obamacare, Medicaid is a federal program run by the state but paid for by the federal government, while Alliance had been paid for out of the state's coffers. DC switched early so they could save money... while losing none of their horrible inefficiency.

Now I am on 'Unison Medicaid' (the other is called Charter Medicaid). Turns out the acupuncture treatments I started are only covered by 'real' Medicaid and not the one I have. The clinic made a mistake when they booked my appointment (one which they have thankfully agreed to pay for, considering I've already had two treatments). This is also why the one drug I haven't tried for my condition wasn't approved even though it's on the Medicaid website as something I could take if I didn't respond to other drugs.

The end result is there is one medication which might help -- only I can't get it -- and these acupuncture treatments might help -- only I don't qualify for them either... unless I get put on 'straight Medicaid'. Had a long discussion with public benefits today and there are two ways I can get on Medicaid, which is a) to contract HIV, or b) to be declared permanently disabled. What the fuck? The only way to get treatments to make me better, so that I can possibly go back to work, is to be declared permanently unable to work?!

My doctor had a cancellation so I'm going to talk with her about it tomorrow. But she's not going to go for it. I'm in a low-income clinic with people in wheelchairs with missing legs etc.... no one is going to declare me disabled. I'm young; I don't look disabled. The problem is, I can't work. The polyneuropathy makes it extremely painful to stand for long periods of time, so that takes out a bunch of jobs. And my hands hurt if I spend more than an hour typing, which takes out many of the sit-down jobs I could do. Theoretically, I could find some sort of call-center job, some sit-down job with only minimal typing, but that is about all I'm capable of doing. And that's not accounting for the periodic bouts of horrible fatigue, or the fact I'm constantly pulling muscles out of whack.

I'm still hanging onto the volunteer work, the idea I can be a productive member of society. It's only occasional work, so I've been managing so far to keep on top of things. I feel like this is giving up, but I don't see what other choice I have. I don't FEEL disabled, but then again I don't know what/if disabled is supposed to feel any different. I mean, it certainly seems harder for me to do things that other people can manage without pain, fatigue, and discomfort. Is that disabled? If you have to pee every hour because your bladder nerves are damaged, can't stand up too fast because it makes you dizzy, find standing (and sometimes sitting up) for periods of time painful, and can't stare at a computer screen for any length of time because it makes your eyes hurt (I developed dry eyes after I got sick)... are those things being disabled? Is tingling/numbness in your hands and legs, with throbbing pain when you lay down to sleep, hallmarks of a disability? I feel like a disability should equal pain CONSTANTLY, not just whenever you try to accomplish tasks. When I'm just laying on the couch watching movies, I'm fine (and laying, because even sitting on the couch can become uncomfortable).

I've also got the wheels churning at the behavioral health clinic for my depression and new compulsive behaviors. I have a much better chance of being declared 'crazy, depressed and disabled' (and for those who don't believe me, check out my last post -- I sound nuts even to myself). I feel like I can't live with this anymore.

It speaks volumes how upset I am. I wrote this long post, typed rather, with my back screaming and my hands throbbing. And now it's time to go back to the couch. :(

Shit Just Gets Weirder and Weirder

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 19:29:57 GMT

This is sort of a continuation of the post No One Will Believe This... So What? in which I talked about a particular voice that used to talk to me when I was a child in my dreams. No, I have not tracked down anything resembling the male figure claiming to be some sort of demigod/demonic figure (best I could figured named "D").... but I did find something interesting about the first book I ever wrote.

This was done in high school or late middle school. Some of my best work is extrapolated from my most bizarre dreams. The story was my first, the manuscript was terrible and never completed, and I later trashed it instead of re-editing. Basically it was a science-fiction featuring advanced humans, some of which had developed psychic powers. I called them twinners, for lack of a better term, because in the book the psychic people (born this way) only developed their powers if they were exposed to their counterpart "twin" (not actually related). As if something in the other person became the catalyst for your powers. In the end, you fed off one another and usually either went mad or died. There was a whole psychic military branch, whose soul purpose was to protect humanity from these sort of energy-monsters (the humans called them dragons, but not dragons in the true mythological sense because they had no corporeal form) found after humanity clawed its way into space. In the end, the dragons weren't evil, but they still killed you dead. Think of a being made of radiation that doesn't register you as being there and is prone to walking through space stations.

Anyway, the book was based on some bizarro dream I had involving energy monsters, outer space, and some dense creatures of energy whose former home was something like the dense atmosphere of Venus (only they told me I should call it Altamira). Their world was destroyed somehow, they moved through or past ours, and had found a way to transport interdimensionally by becoming energy in order to survive. And I can't remember the effing dream exactly, and I can't seem to find my original notes on the dream from so long ago. Unfortunately, my memories have confused the parts I dreamed and the parts I made up for my sci-fi story.

I know I used to have pages and pages of word meanings from this Altamiran language, what little of it I picked up (I couldn't actually remember most of the sounds from the dream, but as is the case in many dreams, I knew what these nonsense syllables meant somehow). Many of the nouns were also adjectives, for example 'water' also meant anything that flowed like water, including sand and wind. In fact, they didn't seem to really have any word for water or any difference between objects. It was 'thing that flows wavelike', 'thing that rustles', 'thing that grows in treelike pattern', or 'thing that drifts softly' etc. Looking back, I suppose if you were a being made out of energy it would be a much more sensible viewpoint to talk about the wave patterns of a thing rather than its shape as a solid. They also didn't have any personal pronouns, they simply used a sort of third-person pronoun or royal 'we' equivalent. Names came out as something like "One Who Laughes Much" or "One who Smiles".

Anyway, the point of this ramble is that I found an Altamira. It means "high point" or "high view" in Spanish and many Spanish-settled towns are named after these famous caves full of paintings done over 10,000 years ago.

http://100falcons.wordpress.com/2008/10/11/the-great-altamira-cave/

I am also intrigued that the paintings were initially discovered by a little girl and used extensive coloration and perspective beyond other cave paintings of the same era. Some of them were also done over periods of hundreds of years. Did the dreams have any basis in reality? Was it an incoherent echo of some civilization now lost to oblivion? Are the warnings of a disastrous "great sharply buzzing thing" to be heeded or just the mad ramblings of my subconscious kicked into overdrive?

Furthermore, I'd like to explore whether or not any of my other childhood dreams have any basis in ancient culture. The constant vision of the lady in white (who I think had a name like Ilara) who calls up the morning sun haunted me back then. Did I just make up the name for one of my male characters (Straada or Stra'ada or Straida) or did I pull it from somewhere? Could I have found that name somewhere (remember, this was pre-internet, so it would have to be from a book)? Maybe this is something locked in the genetic code of my brain, passed down from prehistory.

And where are my effing journals?!

A Visual Continuation of Earlier Rant with Update

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 19:53:54 GMT

EXHIBIT A
As an example of my last post, here's a picture of what the kitchen looks like after AgtOrange leaves. I'm not complaining of the mess in the sink. How could I, considering I'm the one who inexplicably got ground meat on the ceiling earlier this month? But notice the plate and fork resting in the non-stick pan? I rest my case.

EXHIBIT B
This is the kind of bizarro thing that happens when I've spent too long in the house and go into my kitchen. Notice the shelving magically aligns with the plastic containers, which have all been labeled via label-maker. Witness the OCD!

CONCLUSION/UPDATE
Actually, I could care less now. Not only did UPS find my mysteriously lost package of vitamins today, but I got a very special package I've been waiting for a whole day early!

YAY PIANO! YAY PIANO! W00T!!!!! Now I'm officially busy unpacking. Cya!

Week of the Laze

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 15:44:55 GMT

Okay, resolutions aside, I just decided to take a week off of everything. After barhopping on Thursday and jumping into icy water on Saturday, my body needed a break. This is just a 'break' mind you, I haven't given up on my crazy dance & exercise schedule just yet. But I know when I feel run down.

It also doesn't help that Saturday night I managed to wrench my back/shoulder/neck out... by opening a jar of ghee. Once again, Jade survives just about any potentially dangerous or crazy activity only to do herself harm with the most mundane of tasks. The jar was new and slightly buttered. When I finally managed to unscrew it (why do they use old fashioned hard to open jars?!) I felt something strain in the middle of my back, just to the right of my spine. Since then, my right trapezoid and the right side of my neck have been in burning pain. I spent yesterday in bed, reading with a heat pad on my shoulder and eating chocolates.

The wreckage of my house (having done nothing since Saturday) drove me from bed this morning. I can't stand a kitchen that isn't spotless. AgtOrange started his low-carb diet yesterday, which involved him making a breadless meatloaf using one of my Chicago metallic loaf pans and me grumbling about the ruination of my bread pans by people other than myself. (Because it is okay for me to ruin my own loaf pans.)

Supposedly he cleaned it last night, only for me to roll out of bed this morning and discover it soaking in soapy water in the sink. So I was slamming things around and cussing a blue streak this morning, which probably woke him up (kitchen near bed in our apartment) but I didn't care. It should not matter. I often do ruinous things to my bakeware (but, like I said, it's MINE to ruin) and he didn't know you can't leave them wet, let alone wet and soapy, and the pan is only sixteen dollars so it isn't like we couldn't buy another one. Why do I care? Why am I being such a bitch? I just hate dirty kitchens, for one, and am very possessive about my stuff, especially when I scrubbing out micro-rust spots in my bread pans! I'm hoping the infinitesimal spots of damage to the coating are not enough to make my next bread loaf stick inside the pan (which is always frustrating).

Contrary to my bitching of late, he's a really good guy. And he was lazy when I met him, so it isn't as if I didn't know about it. Then again, he knew I was a bitch when he met me, so maybe we are even. There are actually good points to his laziness. It means I don't have to be hyper-vigilant about my own sloppy habits, because he doesn't care. I just wish we had the same style of 'slobitude'. If my kitchen and bathroom are spotless, the whole house could be a filth-covered disaster train and I wouldn't care unless something goes missing, and I can usually find anything in my messy piles of stuff because I know what pile it's in. Although lately I have been getting a little freaky with the label maker....

Polar Bear Plunge 2011

Sat, 22 Jan 2011 22:19:22 GMT

This was a charity plunge, see KeepWinterCold.org for details.

I'm glad I did it. I don't think I want to do that a second time ever. It was so cold on the beach the water actually felt balmy at first. When it hit my belly button, however, reason kicked back it. My brain turned to autopilot (because it was obvious to my primal self that all centers of logical or rational thought had malfunctioned) and I had to turn around. Part of me was a little mad at myself for not being able to totally submerge (despite warnings from the event organizers that first-timers should NOT submerge completely)... then I concluded I didn't really have a choice in the matter. Once my survival instinct kicked in, I don't think I would have been capable of doing anything other than scrambling for shore and clothing.

For the record, when we left the house it was 17 degrees Fahrenheit with light winds of 7 mph and overcast skies. By the time we reached the tents (which were not heated as promised) my legs had turned this interesting boiled lobster color and the tips of my toes were white. Now, warm in my house, my legs are white and the tips of my toes are red (and still a little sore).

...and all I got was a lousy t-shirt... ;)

No One Will Believe This... So What?

Fri, 14 Jan 2011 19:35:36 GMT

When I was little, they thought I was crazy. Well, so I am, but at this time it was seriously 'hearing voices' kind of crazy.

I thought a demi-god/angel/demon/spirit of some kind was trying to talk to me, her name was Asharra or Asharrah. (There were actually two different spirit voices, but the male one never gave me a name.) As I was ten or twelve, I spelled this phonetically. Eventually, this voice went away. I used to dream about her. The dreams were generally terrifying. Nothing incredibly scary happened, but the feeling of horror is what stayed with me.

Later, we figured that the auditory 'hallucinations' are really a problem I have processing white noise. If there is no sound, I never hear anything. If there is some kind of low background noise, there is the possibility of me hearing 'something' although this doesn't happen anymore.

Recently I discovered, quite by accident, that there IS an ancient goddess by the name of Asherah. This has utterly freaked me out.

I have never encountered this name before to my knowledge. I don't think I would have picked it up randomly as a kid. It is possible that I picked up these sounds as the white noise which, if you think about it, make a kind of shusha-shusha-shusha noise.

So, was it a Goddess really trying to talk to me?

Or, do I share an auditory processing problem with some ancient dead priests that caused them to hear the same whispering 'name' I did, and they ascribed this to a goddess?

It really all hinges on how much mysticism you want in your life.

Despite the rationalizations, I'm still a little freaked out.

New Year's & Shaping Up

Thu, 30 Dec 2010 00:38:50 GMT

I want to be in shape in the New Year. This is not specifically a "New Year's Resolution" so much as a general resolution that happened to fall around the turn of the year. I'm just not that governed by calendars.

Initially, my vague ideal was to run a bunch (to get in shape for another race) and strengthen myself through yoga and ballet during the first half of the year. During the second half of the year, I wanted to start boxing and martial arts (capoeira/kung fu).

The problem is, after I came up with a workable training program of classes, I'll be tied up through the end of August with ballet. I also have no idea when I'll actually have time for running and cardio (beginner ballet is not cardio-intense -- that comes a little later) and still get all the household stuff done.

Hrm.....