Jadxia

Today I am halfway through week four of my nine-week running program. That's workout 11 of 27 done. This week has been grueling and I've stumbled in sweaty and flushed with 13 minute miles under my belt. It'll get better, or easier, or both.

Last week when I went to the gym there was a girl sitting on the exercise bike with her feet propped up (not pedaling) watching television. I started on the treadmill and she gave me a funny look, did a few weightlifting moves and left. I told myself I was just being paranoid, that she hadn't given me a bizarre dirty look. Didn't I use proper gym etiquette? I wiped everything down when I was done (although she didn't stay that long) and didn't think I was in her way at all.

Today, I went down and two people were in the gym, one on weights and the other on the mat doing crunches. Again, I got on the treadmill and started it, and recieved dirty looks again and they left. I must really be crazy paranoid, I though, along with a general "what the fuck was that all about?" musing.

So I finish my thirty minutes and go back to the apartment. A lady asks me on the elevator, "are the machines in the gym fixed yet?"
"I guess," I reply, "I've been using the treadmill just fine."
"Yes, but last week there was only one treadmill working."

Now I get it. The only treadmill that appears to work is the one I always use, and I never realized the others weren't working. So I must've been going down and getting on the treadmill right before the gymrats/weightlifters were about to start the cardio part of their routines. I wasn't paranoid crazy; they really were giving me dirty looks before storming out of the gym.

Funny enough, I don't care. Hey, you snooze, you lose, and they weren't on the machine so I took it.

This is why I am nervous about health care reform. Yes, I know we desperately need it. But we have to make sure we do reforms the correct way, or you end up in my personal hell.

I have the DC equivalent of Medicaid, it's healthcare for low-income people. They have a tendency to pay doctors very late (sometimes never) and at reduced cost. This means that very few doctors accept it. Of the ones who do, they are either very dedicated to helping the poor and sick, or they are terrible doctors who will accept any health insurance just to bring in more patients (because people who have a choice are going elsewhere). Limited selection of doctors means you don't have much choice in the matter as to which one you see.

I don't do well in doctor visits. Being a patient makes me feel terrible, because I associate it with being sick and I detest being ill. Just waiting to be seen gives me anxiety. Add that with a lackluster doctor and you have a recipe for disaster.

Apparently, the nice person I saw before at the rheumatology clinic was a 'student-doctor' with a teacher and not my actual doctor. They were very understanding and communicative. Today was my follow up, where I met my real doctor. My labs came out clean, except for slightly low vitamin D. The doctor instantly decided my pain was from depression, even though I insisted that, even if I was depressed, it would be because I'm in pain all the time and not the other way around. She immediately started grilling me on leading questions, such as "is there a family history of depression" or "have you ever been depressed?"

Stupid me, to answer truthfully. Yes, I have been depressed before. That is how I know I am not depressed now. I'm frustrated with the medical system because half the time they aren't running the right tests or asking the correct questions. I keep wondering if this is vascular or related to my thyroid. Why vascular? I have a known heart problem, a history of arrythmia/unstable angina and MVP, and the pain in my feet started with what seemed to be poor circulation (feet get really cold and then start to cramp, causing pain). There is also a family history of thyroid problems, not to mention the lump in the right side of my throat which my regular doctor thought was 'probably just a cyst'. Hey, did you know having a nodule on your thyroid or parathyroid can cause joint, muscle, or bone pain? Why can't I get anyone to look closer or run an ultrasound of my thyroid?

My pain is not depression-based. It's not all-over blah and achy. It is very specifically pain in certain parts of my joints. It started with the feet/toe joints and ankles, including a feeling of 'being shocked' in my feet after exercise. Then pain in the finger joints (but not the wrists) as if I had arthritis. Then pain in the tendon region of my elbows and in my left knee. For some reason, Co-Q-10 combined with Flaxseed Oil helps quite a bit to prevent this pain. Advil/ibuprofen works best to alleviate the breakthrough pain (although it makes my stomach hurt if I take too much).

But she was already on the track of, "Aha, it's depression", which is enough to make anyone depressed, because this doctor who is supposed to be helping me isn't even listening to me. So now I have a referral to be evaluated by mental health.

Want to know what it says is the reason for being referred?
"Patient admits to periods of frustration."

Gee, I've spent a year sick and with prolonged joint pain and you can't even give me a proper diagnosis, everyone just assumes I must be depressed and that is causing the pain. No, I started out IN PAIN and I can't do the things I enjoy (like dancing or having sex) because THEY HURT and MY DOCTOR ISN'T LISTENING TO ME. So if I AM depressed (and I don't feel depressed, I feel rightly pissed-off), maybe that is why.

If we do get government healthcare, we need a law that says all doctors are required to accept it. Just because I don't have alot of money or good health insurance, why do I have to have compromised healthcare?

So I think I've figured on a new 'diet' that is going to work for me on a long-term basis, it's what I call "eating real foods".

This is stemming from the fact I am STILL feeling quite bleh from the colonoscopy. I have a low fever off and on, my stomach just does not feel right, and, well, the biopsy could have been better.

Turns out that big (2cm-ish), flat polyp I was worried about, well, it was an adenomatous polyp after all, and I'm due back for another colonoscopy in three years. Mind you, I'm THIRTY-ONE YEARS OLD. So if I'd waited until I was fifty to look for a polyp, which is the standard age, I probably would have died of colon cancer. If I'd waited until I was forty, which is the age they screen high-risk people, I'd probably have colon cancer by that time, also.

Sadly, we weren't even looking for colon polyps so much as some form of inflammatory bowel disease, which is something we didn't find. What's causing all the joint pain, then? Back to square one, folks, and waiting on the blood test results from the rheumatologist. Also no word on why I keep doing things like, say, throwing up or having constipation and diarrhea. We'll just leave that in a chapter titled 'the mystery of my gut' and move on.

The diet:

I propose to eat only real food, and by real food I mean stuff that didn't start out processed to death before it got to my kitchen. So whole fruits, veggies, and animal bits are all on the okay list.

Everything else I'm going to limit to under twenty percent of my total diet. This includes oils I use for cooking, processed sugars, desserts, candies, deli meats, any kind of cheese, fermented items, etc. Real foods have minimal additives.

I may attempt to make more of my foods organic, but that's not a self-requirement. I will probably cook everything, at least enough to remove the potential hazard of salmonella and E. coli(and in today's manufacturing and processing, that is everywhere).

Items I will probably eat more of:
I love steel-cut oats, especially stuff made with milk. This is a bit of a quandary for me, since I have to drink soy milk (by my own words, a processed food). So I'll probably start making it with half-water, half-organic-soy-milk, and adding plenty of fresh fruit.

Goodbye, Kellogg's All-bran, you have been good to me in a fiber way, but all that HFCS gives me heartburn. You will be my lazy-day cereal.

Vegetarian stir-fries with brown rice. I made one today, and it was delicious. Green beans, mushrooms, and red bell pepper done in a homemade sauce. This sauce was a complex one, made with fresh orange juice, lemon juice, chili peppers, garlic, a dash of fermented fish sauce, hoisin, sherry, and chicken stock. Okay, not entirely vegetarian, and not 100% 'real food' but it would not be hard to modify.

Besides, I am on a high-protein diet, so I don't want to go totally vegetarian (even if I could give up yummy meat). It is just too much of a pain, I mean, how many beans can you eat?

The nice thing about being totally out of shape is that you really notice it when you attempt to get into shape. If you are very overweight, those first pounds can melt off much faster than if you are only ten pounds overweight (like I am).

I've just started the second week of the "From Couch to 5K" Program. I had to skip a few days to recover from the procedure, but since I was at the very beginning this doesn't seem to have affected me much. There are 3 runs a week for 9 weeks, after which the goal is to be able to jog 5K nonstop. This used to be my Wednesday morning donut run (as I am, suspiciously, exactly 5K from the nearest Krispy Kreme).

Now I have a personal goal since I have to pass the recommended physical requirements for school, which is 2 miles in 20 minutes. I can honestly say I have never run a 10-minute mile, let alone two of them. It will be pretty awesome if I go from being the sickest I've ever been (which is saying quite a bit) to the most fit I've ever been over the course of a summer.

At the end of the first week, I estimated I was walking/jogging about a 16.6-minute mile. At the start of the second week, the extra jogging has bumped me to a 14.3-minute mile. Imagine, I've shaved more than a minute off of my time in one week! And just months ago I was barely walking at all. So it is nice to be out of shape sometimes... but it sure will be great to be in shape as well.

REFERENCES:
Couch to 5K Program

I've just gotten tired of listening to the debate on healthcare in the United States when it seems like a few common sense measures would fix many of the problems. So I laid out a very non-specific plan (hell, I'm no expert on anything but running my mouth). Maybe I'm missing something of key importance. I'll let my readers be the judges.

#1) Reduce the number of frivolous lawsuits. Most doctors live under the strain of trying to do what is best. They don't want to hurt you, even though sometimes they do. They pay too much in malpractice insurance (which, in essence, WE pay when we see them). Lawyers' advocates say we need to 'keep the doctor's in line' to prevent the medical horror stories we've all heard about -- probably from some lawyer's ad on television. I'm angry that I, who have never been near a coal mine in my life, know what mesothelioma is. Sure, if the doctor cuts off the wrong limb, sue the pants off him and then the license off him and make sure he never practices medicine again. But these huge class-action lawsuits only pad the pockets of lawyers, not patients. Get rid of them.

#2) Everyone has health care, but it doesn't cover everything. Basically, require health care to cover major illnesses and any kind of trauma. So cancer is covered and so is breaking your leg. Large companies will have to provide this healthcare coverage by law to all employees (full or part-time). Small companies will have some help (like a health-care subsidy). If you aren't working and don't have money, you already qualify for Medicaid, so things haven't changed much.

#3) For routine care, low-income people will recieve a voucher or something similar which will allow them to shop around for the best deals. We can use the power of capitalism to drive down the costs of routine care, the doctor's exam for a physical or the common cold. It can also be used for dental or pharmacy; it's all at the patient's discretion how the money is spent. Even better, the money should also be able to be spent on exercise classes or gym memberships, sort of a preventative maintenance voucher.

#4) Don't make junk food illegal, just tax it. It's already been proven that having close proximity to fast food places does NOT increase obesity rates. Apparently, people who want junk food will go the extra distance to get it. We tax booze and cigarettes. Some places tax all food (which is ridiculous). If we don't tax the good-for-us stuff, and do tax the really, really-bad-for-us stuff, people probably won't stop eating junk food (just like they didn't stop smoking). But if those taxes are 100% dedicated toward the healthcare plan, that might help offset the costs.

Of course, the only thing I haven't worked out at all is how to reduce the soaring cost of prescriptions. Then again, you'd be pleasantly surprised how many big pharmaceutical companies have programs to give out some of the most expensive drugs for free to low-income patients. After all, they get a huge tax break for doing so.

There is an old fitness saying, "Exercise is 90% diet." This pretty much sums up how my plans have been going of late. I was doing fairly well on the 3-part program, until a week of hormonal PMS set off one of the longest running chocolate binges I've ever experienced. I'm talking a large chocolate bar (about 700 calories) every day for 8-9 days. I just couldn't stop; I NEEDED chocolate. Thankfully that's over, but when I finally ventured near the scale again I was aghast to have finally tipped the fat percentage over thirty. Anything over 30% body fat is considered overweight. 20-30% is normal/average for a woman. Under 20% is fit.

Crud, officially overweight. So much for the diet and exercise.

Actually, I'm really happy with the program because it is very easy to jump back without feeling too bad about it. So even if I cheat here and there, I don't feel like I have to start over. I am going to have to adjust and ramp up the fitness level and, of course, stop eating all the junk. The past few days I have been concentrating on getting all my water (3 pints), taking my vitamins, and eating a good amount of fiber. I've managed to limit the fatty and junk foods and have since watched three pounds melt away in a matter of days. I'm thinking water weight might have accounted for some of the weight gain, so I also cut my salt. I started the diet at 28% body fat, fought down to 26%, rocketed up to 30% with an all-day, all week chocolate binge, and am now sliding back down the scale. Currently I'm at 29% body fat.

Even though I didn't lose weight or get skinnier after a month on the program, I certainly feel more fit. I think the light exercise has prepped me for the next stage of the program, where I really start to workout. Exercise and proper vitamins, etc, have certainly helped my condition (which may or may not be fibromyalgia).

So the officially three-part program goes as follows:

Day 1: A long walk (I'm hoping to start walking with my group again soon, which is 4 miles on Saturday).
Day 2: Sprints or some kind of intense cardio (I am adding an upper body workout to this day).
Day 3: Abs Workout -- I may start substituting indoor rock climbing on this day
Day 4 (repeat day 1): Will be restarting the 5K 'donut run/walk' I used to do.
Day 5 (repeat day 2): Intense cardio & upper body workout.
Day 6 (repeat day 3): Abs Workout
Day 7: REST, I may also use this day to 'clease' my diet with lots of fruits, veggies, and fiber -- basically eating vegetarian one day a week.

There is no easy solution to fitness, just diet and exercise. If you want to lose weight, you have to make permanent changes to what you eat. If you want to get into shape, you have to move your butt. To get fit, you have to do both of those things, and it won't happen quickly. So make choices you know you can live with and DON'T GIVE UP!

"All the people in my family are good at anger management. At least, we manage alot of anger." -- JoL

I’ve been in a sort of retreat lately, although the first thing realized during this process was how ridiculous a misnomer is that term. How does one retreat from life and yet continue to live it? Is not the very step back and the evaluation of life a very integral and present part of living? At most, I have performed a regrouping, although I prefer to think I have simply inhaled -- and prepared to speak.

I have been ill since September, and while I am becoming adapted to the idea of yet another ailment from which there may be no escape, words of unflagging optimism never cease to annoy me. You don’t know if I will get better ever, so please stop putting your hopes and wishes on me. I am sick enough as it is without carrying around all of your optimistic deadweight. You people know who you are.

If I do get better, wonderful. If not then I must accept as I am today, illness and all. I have discovered I am unable to do this if I am constantly being told that things will get better soon, or someday, or whenever. The future is a vague and nebulous supposition and I am a creature of Immediates and Nows. While I cannot carry on as if not ill, neither can living be put on hold until wellness finds me. Life is now; live it with me at your choosing but do not torture me with your visions unless you are truly prescient.

Respect me for my wants and my views. That means what I decide about my own life goes. I will attempt to do my best to respect your right to live as you see fit in return.

I am not broken.
If I am broken, I do not want to be fixed.
If I do decide I am broken, fixable, and worth fixing, then I will do the repairs myself.
If I need help I will ask for it.
Only I can change me. You are powerless to do so. Deal with it.

The correct answer to “if only you would listen” is “if only you would shut up”. I am guilty of being a busy-body. This one thing I might attempt to change in myself. I might not. I am allowed to be a hypocrite. You do not have to enjoy it.

When you step in and attempt to fix me, you disrespect me severely. You tell me I am broken. You presume to know my worth better than I do, thereby discrediting my own powers of observation. You then infer I am a bad repairman and that my powers of communication are so low I am unable to cry out for help. You second guess my own judgment about the one thing I know best, myself.

Not only will your attempts fail, they are likely to backfire. You damage me. You encourage me to damage myself. To fixers I appear broken. To broken people I resemble a fixer. The hammer you carry does not magically transform me into a nail. Stop whacking me already.

There is nothing wrong with me besides my particular quirky mental and physical illnesses which make up the sum difference of me. If you fix them you may very well delete me. And I have chosen to be the only soul with the power of my erasure.

For those who wish to see me settled down, tough luck. I am not happy unless I have my spirit pitted against the wheel. I enjoy the brief touch of mayhem, the success of pulling a thread of order from total chaos and weaving a complicated tapestry from the snarled ball of yarn. I am sometimes a sadist and sometimes a masochist and sometimes a nihilist plagued with ennui. Or maybe art.

The correct end to the phrase “you would be happier if” is generally “people would leave me alone.”

I want to live the remainder of my life in as little pain as possible; with the exception of anguish and trials I inflict myself. Right now I am in a great deal of pain, both physical and mental. If any of it becomes too much to bear, I reserve the right to end my life in as painless a way as I can muster. You don’t have to agree with my decision. It is still mine to make. I refuse to listen to such arguments as ‘all life is sacred’. In my view, all life is only sacred when it doesn’t involve hurting and the inability to sleep. Death is my right, my open option. Please do not degrade that option by forcing me to beg for it when the time is past.

Until that time has come, allow me to live as I see fit, even if I see fit to live in a way you think is wrong.. even if I see fit to live in a way I know is wrong. If I want to pit myself against myself, what godlike power in your possession can stop me?

I cannot learn to enjoy your company unless you enjoy mine. Shut up.

Silence.

A 2007 research paper that assured District residents they had not been harmed by lead in their water is under investigation because of concerns that the chief author gave the city's water authority final approval of the paper.

For the washington post's latest article on the subject, visit
Agency's Role Probed in D.C. Water Report

Considering I knew a fully grown adult who got lead poisoning from drinking DC tap water years ago, this isn't of any news to me. DC plumbing is OLD and not to be trusted.

Ostrich -- It's what's for dinner. Photo sourced from National Geographic.com



Seems like thieves are everywhere and with today's economy it is hard not to empathize a little. With all the talk of high oil prices hurting adult entertainment industries, has anyone wondered if the panhandlers are also taking a hit? I guess naked girls are more interesting news fodder than strung-out, crazy hobos.

These are pro-thieves, however, the kind that have a modus operandi, like the ones who managed to hit my laundry room not so long ago and stole the machine which puts money onto cards. Most new laundry rooms in apartment complexes have switched to these systems because it's easier for a maintenance person to empty one machine rather than several dozen washers and dryers. Not to mention if you lose a card or simply move out, you generally don't get a refund for whatever is left on the card. The thieves hit a bunch of machines in neighboring blocks, even getting into secured buildings (such as mine) and disabling the security cameras before breaking open the machines. I had no idea several hundred dollars in cash could be stored in one tiny machine. They weren't as smart as they could have been, however, on account they left behind some fingerprints. Still, you have to have a suspect before you can be convicted, and I think the police were really stumped for leads.

Another new set of thieves steals the catalytic converters from your car. They generally use a hacksaw to cut the whole piece off, then sell the scrap metal. The theft has become so rampant, an Ohio company has developed a device to protect your converter. There's only one problem. The device costs around $300, and I'm not sure if that includes installation. Most catalytic converters run from $100-$300, although that doesn't take into account the repair work necessary once your car has been hit with a saw. If the device were $100 cheaper, I'd probably recommend it. Then again, the most robbed car is a 4-Runner, and in my opinion anyone still hanging onto a gas guzzler in high-crime urban areas probably gets what they deserve. (The crooks are mostly hitting parking lots and garages, where they can get to several cars all at once.)

For home valuables, In.Security has created a strong room for your home or business which can easily be installed in a pre-existing structure. It can stand up to a .50-cal or rocket-propelled grenade. No word on price, but then if you have to ask....

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One thing more important than our cars or our jewelry is our health. In an effort get in shape, manage my blood sugar, feel better, and look great, I've started reading up on all kinds of health foods. This effort has been ramped up since some idiot at a Five Guys congrulated me on my upcoming kid. (I am not pregnant.) I gain weight like an Asian, around the waist in the middle, hence the phrase "Buddha-belly". This effectively ruined all pleasure in eating my just-ordered, forbidden double bacon-burger. I didn't know whether to laugh at his stupidity, cry about my body image, or get angry because he ruined my meal. It's been months since I've allowed myself a hamburger (I'm not supposed to have any beef or dairy at all, on account of a food intolerance) and when I finally decide to go all out and chow-down, something like that happened.

So last night I made a dish using ostrich for the first time, instead of beef. Once I had the meat properly spiced, it tasted close enough that someone who didn't know better might mistake it for beef. Admittedly, I was a little leary about eating it so I spiced it a bit more than I would have if it had come from a cow. Finally, a healthier alternative that doesn't taste like crap! The meat is lower in calories, with less fat, and more eco-friendly. (Ostrich has the greatest feed to weight gain ratio of any commercially raised land animal.) Cow in almost every form has left my diet for good, with the exception of tiny quantities of butter or the occasional ice cream treat. Next to go? Processed white flour and refined starches, which can have almost as bad an impact on blood sugar as candy.

DIRECTIONS FOR COOKING BROWN/WHITE RICE MIX:
I detest brown rice, in much the same way I dislike popcorn. It's not the flavor I object to, it's the tiny husks which always seem to stick in my teeth. But my doctor says, NO WHITE RICE, on account of my reactive hypoglycemia. Now, how's an Amer-Asian girl supposed to give up her primary grain staple just like that? By mixing! Now we just have to adjust the cooking times accordingly, because brown rice takes twice as long to cook.

This is for a 1:1 ratio of white to brown rice.
1 cup brown rice
1 cup white rice
water

1. Boil the water for the brown rice, which should be about 2 1/2 cups.
   
2. Add brown rice to boiling water. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes. (The only good thing about this recipe is you can pretty much walk away.)
   
3. Uncover. Add white rice and another 1 1/2 cups of water. Stir and bring to a boil.
   
4. Cover and simmer for another 20 minutes until done.
   

Neither AgtOrange nor I could really tell this version from regular white rice when we ate it. The same technique lends itself well to mixing wild rice with white, as wild rice takes even longer than brown to cook.

REFERENCES:
Gone in 60 Seconds
CatClamp can guard coveted catalytic converters
High Tech Modular Strong Rooms
The 29 Healthiest Foods
Ostrich Meat vs. Other Meat

Today I baked a cake, and I didn't screw it up. Score one point for Betty Crocker. (For those of you who are wondering just how many ways can you screw up a box cake, come over sometime while I'm baking.) Morgue took me grocery shopping, where he complained mightily about Bloom, disturbing the poor staff and for no real reason. He insists Giant is cheaper (WTF?? What Giant is he shopping at, the one in Chantilly?) I'm simply amazed by suburbia prices. Ramen only 7 for a dollar instead of 5! And the good Top Ramen, not that cheap Maruchan crap! I spent $21 bucks and filled half a shopping cart. That's ridiculous cheap for anywhere close to DC, I could only have done better at Aldi (if we had one nearby, that is).

I frosted the cake before it was totally cool, on account I have to jet out to work in just a minute and it was either that or not have cake today. So it is currently oozing cream cheese frosting in a gooey delicious mess. I had a little too much (one piece, but still about one-half piece too much for me) and will probably collapse in sugar shock unless I pick up a Red Bull on the way to work.

While making a last minute email check, I found two articles I thought I should share with my blogfans, both of which are health related.

The first shows that lead-based paints are not confined to China. Duh. This particular study is about Lead Paint in Nigeria although most of the African countries are now suspect. Meaning, this stuff is coming from everywhere.

The second was a study on alcohol consumption and increased breast cancer risk. Apparently, all alcohol consumption increases the risk of breast cancer not just certain types of alcohol. Drinking 3 or more alcoholic beverages a day increases a woman's chance of breast cancer in a manner roughly equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes every day. However, wine or other alcohol might be good for your heart in small doses. You win some, you lose some.

Doesn't really matter to me, I'm an ass-girl myself. Too much booze can lead to predominant ass jiggle, which can be a bad thing. I like'em BIG, not flabby.

I can tell I've had way to much cake. For me, I process sugar so fast that it can hit me like booze hits other people. I feel dizzy and silly and vaguely sleepy or ill. Drunk on cake. Mmmmm.... cake....