My niece(eighteen? nineteen?) has decided she wants to get married. Sis is all freaked out about that, among other things.
The boy who has agreed to marry her is, in my sister's words, poor trailer park with no prospects to speak of. His is conservative and not brilliant, but at least wise enough to have decided to join the military. My sister things he is not good enough for her daughter.
Now, my niece has pretty much said all she wants in life is a man who will take care of her and let her stay at home and read her novels and cook. She is not the type to care if she lives in a trailer all her life. She doesn't care about her figure, or clothes, or hair, etc. Personally, I am kind of envious. She found exactly what she said she wanted. More power to her. Also, as AgtOrange stated, "even if this is a total mistake and it takes her a decade to figure this out, she'll still be, what, thirty years old?"
So, despite Sis' opposition, I fully support this move. I wish she'd finished high school first, but I suppose it can't be helped. I finished school myself only by the skin of my teeth.
I am concerned about other issues with Sis. She insists on feeling sad because her loser boyfriend dumped her. When I say loser, I mean pill-popping, money borrowing, non-supportive, jealous, paranoid, insecure, jobless, etc. He literally brought nothing to her table. I told her to replace him with a hollow stuffed animal, she could snuggle it and when she got to missing the boyfriend, just dump some money inside it. At least then she'd have the money.
It would be different if she'd been really happy with him, if he had at least brought that for her, but of course she was just as miserable then as she is now. The only problem is she doesn't remember just how miserable she was, the past seems better to her. My sister is terribly codependent.
Growing up, it was implied that all us girls would be happy if we 'just settled down with the right man'. That never worked, and I wish she'd quit looking for another loser replacement until she gets herself straightened out. But I feel like a hypocrite for saying it. See, I went on a 'relationship hiatus' for a year, only about four months into it I met AgtOrange and ended up in a relationship with him that is pretty awesome. We've been living together for eighteen months. But my happiness and the fact that I have settled down and happen to have someone financially taking care of me are no more than circumstantial facts. My illness FORCED me to settle down, and in fact, I have a very hard time trying to be happy without constant motion, without being able to hold down a job and have my independence. It is one of our great points of friction, not because of financial reasons, but because I have an inner need to feel productive in society. Being dependent on someone, even someone who doesn't mind in the slightest and doesn't hold it over me, is a great source of unhappiness in my life. And I know my sister well enough to know she is pretty much the same way. Not to mention the fact that, while looking for some guy to solve all of her problems she a) doesn't get any of her own problems solved, and b) winds up with another loser because those are the only men she likes.
Only I can't say that. Being in a dependent (supposedly carefree) relationship and telling someone it isn't all peaches and roses when I'm at least fairly peachy and rosy makes me sound like the celebrity who complains about being rich and famous. *sigh*
As AgtOrange says, it ain't up to me.