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Mon, Aug. 23rd, 2010, 08:12 pm
O Doctor, What Do You Want of Me Now?

I wake up in pain today and everyday,
the ceaseless neverending excursion of time wasted before it begins,
the forward look into an endless restless night drawn thin.

I am here,
I am waiting for your answers,
but the answers never come beyond "I don't know."

Who knows?
Does anybody really know?
I've been holding on so long to threads,
the lengths are gone and only grip remains.

If I breakdown and cry here, is it less than I deserve? I am not needing of mental health so much as health, so much as the single unanswered prayer

one pain-free day

one pain-free day

one day without an unstrung way

one day with hope, and movement too, in which all the tasks I set forth to do

are answered.
Where are the answers?

I didn't think answers came in pills. They never do. But all I get are pills, bandaids without cures, treatments without causes, drugs without pushers.

Stop pushing me.
Stop the wait and see.

What will you now?

Tue, Aug. 24th, 2010 02:27 am (UTC)
happyorganist: herbs

try herbs! But don't try that St-John's Wort (unless you have a really good feeling about it). For me that herb felt just like a SSRI.
chinese herbs are good. =D

Tue, Aug. 24th, 2010 03:57 pm (UTC)
jadxia: Re: herbs

been there, done that

it's why I'm on a combination of co-Q-10 and flaxseed oil (for the omegas, I can't handle fish oils)

besides, herbs are just the pure form of most pills -- to me a 'cure' is something that makes you all better, not something you have to keep taking for the rest of your life. Then it is just treatment for symptoms.

I want the cure.

Tue, Aug. 24th, 2010 04:17 pm (UTC)
happyorganist: Re: herbs

ah - in that case you want these allergy treatments I'm loving and so into.
NAET or BioSET. don't look it up - i'm not selling it. But it's fun.
Supposedly depression (and lotsa other things) can be traced to and/or treated by treating underlying allergies or sensitivities. So I'll soon find out (I think) if it cures my OCD. If it does - I'll let you know.
really though - cured my kids' food allergies (uses acupuncture/acupressure). very neat stuff.

and then there's this other therapy I tried and appreciated - talked about getting to the root emotions and beliefs underlying basic illnesses. I think it was NLP is what that was. Very interesting. Cleared up my eczema instantly for two days (would have been for longer but I had a belief I was even consciously absolutely not willing/ready to let go of yet). I don't regret it.

Agreed on not liking to take herbs forever, however.. good luck.

I'd take oils myself, but I am still sensitive to them right now (shortly to be remedied, though). Wish me luck.
Take care =)
(it sucks to be depressed). I know.

- Jen

Tue, Aug. 24th, 2010 04:43 pm (UTC)
jadxia: Re: herbs

I've been reading up on some things.

I pretty much fit all the diagnostic criteria for Chronic Fatigue or Post-Viral Syndrome.

Had a bad virus, now I have chronic joint pain, fatigue, swollen lymph nodes, and all my diagnostic tests are clear except for the EMG, which proved I have some form of peripheral neuralgia. (The virus or my immune system ate up both ulnar nerves and causes a sunburn-like feeling along my shoulders, arms, and hands.)

Basically I feel like I have a sunburn all the time, my clothes hurt, and my legs always feel like the calf muscles and feet are cramping even when they are not tight!

I do wish you luck, and consider having your vitamin D levels checked. When I started getting really depressed, it turned out mine were low and one little supplement really helped me out. (Not being about to move about often prevents me from getting enough sun in my dark apartment.) Good Luck and lemme know how it turns out!!