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Mon, Jul. 9th, 2012, 11:56 pm
Today's Check-In (Monday)

Comprehensive List of Tasks

  • run (done)
  • stretch class (success)
  • grooming (basic, done)
  • meal (success = Trouble wanted me to stretch out his ankle, so instead of home cooking I went and got a super-salad, then came home and reheated some of that pork tenderloin with more potatoes, also had a smoothie this morning)
  • Spanish (done, although I'm still stuck on lesson 14, mad frustrating)
  • chores (success, cleaned the bathroom)
  • coping (success, two more chapters of the book Recovery Options: The Complete Guide by Joseph Volpicelli and Maia Szalavitz.)

Medication = yes
Sober (no drinking/drugs/cutting) = FAIL, daggone bartenders feeding me shots (had 2 of them), I am NOT good with the peer pressure
No Compulsions = not a chance of success, bought two strings of paper lantern lights & three hand-painted masquerade masks for a total of $100. Came very close to buying a couch as an impulse buy... that's right, a COUCH. It was only two blocks from home and I had just enough money in my pocket, and I seriously considered DRAGGING that thing home.
Extras = yes (organized/copied more paperwork for my disability; you can see my living room floor again)

TOTAL SCORE = 11/13 = 85% SUCCESSFUL Hey cool, that means if I do everything I'm supposed to in a day, I can still indulge and just barely pass my 80% mark. Good to know.

Revelations Today
*see note under total score*

Emotions are physical. I always knew emotions could affect your body, but it never really occurred to me that emotions are actually THINGS. When your brain learns a new experience, or has an emotion, it has a specific individualized pattern of neurochemistry. If you were to force your brain to have the exact same neurochemical pattern as, say, your happy pattern, you would experience the sensation of happiness regardless of the circumstance. Totally physical. Wild. This has extensive repercussions when it comes to mental illness, addictions, and neurotic behavior. Just like water, the more you practice those patterns, the deeper they are grooved into your brain.

"Addiction is what might be called an emotional learning disorder." -- #quote from Recovery Options

"The more that children's lives include traumatic and stressful experiences, the more likely their brains are to become stuck in a dysfunctional high-alert anxious or depressed state." -- #quote from Recovery Options

Studies prove that confrontational style programs actually hinder change, yet many programs are still based on 'confronting denial'.

"Most alcoholics and other addicts already feel guilty and unworthy of love because they know what they are doing is wrong.... The more you can help them recognize that you love them and care about them and that you are not out to take away what they need but to replace it with something better, the easier it will be to help motivate them to change." -- #quote from Recovery Options

"When addicts relapsed, however, the professionals started moralizing -- blaming relapsers for not following instructions, rather than considering that if 80% of treated patients failed, perhaps the problem was with the program and its standards, not the patients." -- #quote from Recovery Options

"However, when you understand the deep roots of addiction and the fact that relapse is more the rule than the exception, you can't help but see it as a chronic, often lifelong condition. Recovery requires a complete and sustained lifestyle change -- not just a quick stay in a hospital and it's done. Assuming that addiction is an acute illness is like expecting a schizophrenic to be treated once and totally restored to sanity." -- #quote from Recovery Options

Not really feeling so hot right now. I think the combination of two shots and about five colas really tanked my sugar level. Even after the pork and salad (with proteins), I still can't stop shaking. Grrrrr... Seizures bad; me no likey. Guess it's time to down some more soy milk. Blech!