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Sun, Jul. 22nd, 2012, 09:11 pm
Today's Check-In (Sunday)

Thinking of heading out to KT's memorial in a bit, so I'm doing this early. It's gonna really cut into my goals for today, but in the end which is more important?

Comprehensive List of Tasks

  • strength exercises = done
  • chore = rolled coins since my change cup was overflowing with pennies, AgtOrange said he'd help a bit with laundry
  • groom = basic, but no extra. half points
  • meal = ate a healthy lunch, baked bread, did not do dinner (Weekends are heavy cooking days.) 2/3 points
  • Spanish = might be able to get half done before I leave, lesson 15
  • coping = done, checked out a different book but it sucked

Medication = yes
Sober (no drinking/drugs/cutting) = probably a fail, I most likely will be drinking at the memorial
No Compulsions = huge fail, been shopping like a big dog. Bought 2 swimsuits, put a bunch of stuff on my wishlist, found a clothing site I want to buy a bunch of stuff from, etc. Spent $115 for two tan-thru bikinis, no idea on the total for the wishlist.
Extras = Made today's cool video (see earlier post).

TOTAL SCORE = 9/13 = 69% and that's only if the laundry gets done by AgtOrange and I do my Spanish studying.

Today's Revelations

"Rethink normal tasks." -- Something as normal as rolling coins is very hard when your hands hurt to grip like mine do. All the typing I've been doing lately is bad enough. With me doing all these strength exercises and cardio, it's easy to trick myself into thinking I can get back to normal. But it's the fiddly little things that are going to catch me out, like opening my pill bottles or unscrewing jars. It's important I remember that.

Hoarding goes with chronic disorganization. -- I have to watch myself carefully because I have an emotional foundation that could lead me to become a hoarder. I associate objects with specific people or emotions (anthropomorphizing). I have a total inability to prioritize, which is pretty much how hoarding and chronic disorganization come about. You don't know what to keep or lose, it all seems important. As it is, I hoard information (thank goodness for computers and the Internet, because it allows me to file information in a way that doesn't take up much physical space) and also clothes, because many of the items have very specific meanings to me (maybe I'll go in-depth with that at some point in the future). All of these are related to either anxiety-disorders (me!) or some hitch in the grieving process.

When you have a chronic illness, it is important to grieve for the loss of your former life. I've been told this, and now I'm starting to believe it. I'm going to have to make a more conscious effort to work through the steps of grief if I am to accept that I cannot do what I could do before. Then maybe I could throw out that rugby and rockclimbing gear... maybe not.

FYI, I'm going to list two books which I DON'T think you should buy. I do this so you can look out for them. You can read my reviews of them on Amazon through the links below.

Stop the Chaos

You Can Heal Your Life

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