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Fri, Aug. 10th, 2012, 11:47 pm
Downtime Day

Today there is no real check-in, so I can take a break, step back, and consider how to proceed. It was also the day I met my dad's new fiance and celebrated his birthday (early) by taking him to dinner. I made soy ice cream in the morning, and it came out so well my vow to stop eating dairy-based ice cream should not be too hard to accomplish. The less "Jade-poison" I consume the better, and these are a slow series of compromises between my happiness and my health.

If I had counted points today, on the regular schedule, it would be 6/14 or 43%.
But I need to adjust the schedule from here going forward, to remove Trouble who said "we have too much history for me to be in your support network". The way things stand, although I love him, I don't see us ever getting back together. Someone who can't support me in my time of need does not deserve me later. I don't blame him; it's hard to support someone with both chronic mental and physical issues, especially when one is in treatment (because it brings all those problems to the front). For us to be together, he would have to make changes, be a different and better version of himself... and when one becomes a different person (as we all do constantly) who knows if the relationship grows closer or further apart? Time will tell.

Each day that goes by and I learn to slowly accept the distance between us, likewise the distance between AgtOrange and myself grows together. He HAS supported me through the worst of times and continues to encourage and support me. Though far from perfect, he is often my voice of reason.

I miss Tashok. I see her online all the time and it saddens me that circumstance has removed us by years of missed experiences. I am torn between wanting her happiness and wanting to be around her again. Of course, her happiness wins out, but I'm sad nonetheless. There are a few regrets there, but I don't think anything would have changed if I could go back in time. It was just the way things were, and are, and will probably be.

It is also time that I begin writing again, not just journaling but actual storytelling. And I should actually schedule Facebook time, since it relaxes me and gives me a sense of community and because having downtime is just as important as having worktime. Schedules should be a flexible thing, to adjust to better suit goals, so it is important to take the time out and think reflectively, in order to plan ahead. And that, my friends, is today's revelation.

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Sat, Aug. 11th, 2012 04:18 am (UTC)
(Anonymous): read you today!

There are SO MANY options for dairy free! It was so much easier than I ever thought possible, and I remember those moments when I tried some new non-dairy treat and was affirmed that this was in fact doable.

--a former cheese addict (maybe you can guess who)

Sat, Aug. 11th, 2012 03:37 pm (UTC)
jadxia: Re: read you today!

While there are many more options these days, its hard when you have as many restrictions as I do. My body has started to basically reject most processed foods and their additives, and you can't help but heavily process something when you are trying to make it taste/feel like something else.

I already eat way too much soy, not just because of the estrogen effect (which is beneficial to me), but because it is fermented and therefore a source of sulfites. I can't have rice milk because it is too sugary (a refined starch) and has no natural protein component. I could add protein powder but that idea makes me shudder. There's almond milk, which is also tasty, but nuts are high in arginine and upset my lysine-arginine (im)balance. So I can have almond milk if I take a lysine pill with it. I can't have products with coconut for the same reason, but coconut is REALLY high in arginine so it can really do me in. Then there's hemp milk, which is just plain NASTY. And most of these milk substitutes contain canola oil, which is my anathema. Canola oil, Splenda (sucralose), Nutrasweet (aspartame), and stevia are the only 'food' items I absolutely cannot seem to tolerate in even small amounts. Sucralose is the worst of these.

Then, once you account for all the restrictions, you have to make it taste good! I'm surprised so many varieties of soy ice cream taste so horrible, when my first attempt came out delicious. No wonder I end up making most of my food at home.

Currently, I swap between soy and almond milk. (Usually two boxes of soy, then one box of almond.)