Comprehensive List of Tasks
- strength exercises = so I did the pushups and squats, but got distracted before I got to situps and somehow forgot to do them. Went to use my iPad tonight and the situps program was still open and then I realized I never did any. Wow, dunno how that happened, and now it's too late (situps just before bed? not a good way to relax for sleep). 2/3 pt
- grooming = yes, although I didn't get to my toenails like I wanted, that was technically an extra
- meal = ate a healthy meal, but didn't cook the minestrone for tmrw as planned, which means I'll have to start that right after stretch class. 1/2 pts
- therapy = So forgetful I couldn't remember what time my appt was and had to call and ask. I go every week, what the heck?
- Spanish = didn't feel well, passed out in bed, still don't feel great 0 pts
- vocals = since I did the laundry today (and it was not a chore day), I'm actually going to swap this with tomorrow and instead of chores tomorrow, I'm going to do my vocals
- writing = I can't seem to escape the research, even for fantasy fiction. Trying to write a selkie story and end up checking on the habits of harbor seals so I can get it right. Absolutely not going to set it in Scotland or Ireland or anywhere specifically on planet Earth, because that would take so much research I might never get it started.
Medication = yes
Sober (no drinking/drugs/cutting) = yes
No Compulsions = yes, although I spent some of today unconscious
Extras = does taking a nap instead of my other scheduled tasks count as self-care? Nah, passing out with Kindle and iPad after too hot a bath (they make me extra tired) doesn't count. But talking to my social worker, setting up a legal appointment for next week, getting the number for the people who keep turning down one of my meds AND printing out the 16 page form needed to get subsidized Lyrica... that counts. And so does stopping by the pharmacy and having some good coffee-chat time with TallCat.
TOTAL SCORE = 11.166/13 = 86% -- just have to remember I did CHORES today and need to do VOCALS tomorrow
Boys in this town do not have social introduction skills. This is why DC has a high predominance of bitchy women. Spraying my legs (I was in shorts) with a squirt bottle and telling me I was so hot you thought I needed to cool down? NOT the way to get a girl's number. Seriously. Just not.
It's nice to get noticed for something other than my ass. Why I love short shorts.... So I have a huge tattoo on the back of my leg and I have to wear short shorts to display it properly. A group of guys actually didn't pay me any attention as I walked past until I heard someone say "Damn!" and after his friend prompted him, "Look at that tattoo!" Also had a guy in a business suit coming up the escalator go, "that's an impressive tattoo." Because of it, I actually tend to get harassed less than when I'm wearing more conservative clothes. The comments go from 'hey baby' 'hey sexy' 'hey gorgeous' (all of which I detest) to, "woah" *mutter* *mutter* and then they tend not to say anything, at least not to me. I like that just fine.
Therapy isn't fixing hardly any of my faults; it just makes me not mind having them. Let's face facts. I'm not being negative on myself when I point out my flaws, I'm being realistic. I don't pick up social cues. If you want me to keep something to myself, you have to tell me specifically before you say whatever, "I want you to keep this between you and me." I will not be able to infer you want things kept private, because I don't keep anything in MY life private. I do respect other people's privacy as a general rule, and there are a few people that I simply don't say anything about. It's that nebulous grey area where some things are okay and some things aren't; why make it confusing for me? I have a big mouth. A big, BIG mouth. But if it is really important, just tell me it's a secret (remind me, actually) and I will take it to the grave.
I am egocentric. I'm not narcissistic; this does not hide some bizarre inferiority complex. If you saw me next to my mother, you'd think I was Mother Theresa in comparison, but by the rest of the world's standards I'm as self-centered as a spinning top. It's all a matter of perspective. I believe I am responsible for my own little universe, what I see and interact with daily. Now that said, I respect egocentricity in other people. My universe revolves around me, but your universe revolves around you, and if each of us take care of our own little universe we will get along just fine. When you try to invade my universe, I will bite. And if I start to infringe on your universe, tell me and I will happily back off and let you do your thing, because you have respected me enough to let me do mine. The problem with this is again a matter of social niceties. If you don't tell me I'm stepping on your toes, I won't know. In my family, everyone ended up trying to talk over one another at the same time and somehow we all got heard. You have to make yourself heard over the crowd. So often, I have the very bad habit of not allowing other people to speak. It's not that I don't value your words, it's that I'm used to people taking the right to speak when they have something to say, rather than waiting for someone to hand them what they already have the right to do. If you cut me off and what you have to say is interesting, I probably won't even notice I've been cut off. Many people find this rude; I am not trying to be. I cut people off without thinking, because something they have said (yes, I WAS listening) sparked something interesting in my head and I wanted to share so we could build up some conversational construct together. It's when I don't have anything to say -- it doesn't mean it is because I'm listening, it means you've said nothing of merit or interest to me.
Likewise, I don't look at people when they talk to me. I can't, generally, and understand what they are saying. Sometimes if there is just too much input, I will turn my ear way over to them like I'm deaf (sometimes I just can't hear). But generally, if I'm looking at a person and trying to nod and smile, I can't do those things, focus and give eye contact, and actually listen to what you are saying. If I'm focusing my eyes on you, it all sounds like 'wah wah whaaa' from a Charlie Brown cartoon. When my eyes are unfocused and sort of gazing off in the distance, it doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. In fact, I'm paying the MOST attention then because I've 'turned my eyes off' so I could hear you better without any visual distraction. I can really only concentrate on one sensory input at a time with all my attention, although I can somewhat scan for danger and hold a conversation, because that scan takes minimal input.
I can be selfish. I can be giving. This is entirely subject to my whim and has nothing to do with the relative merits/demerits of the receiver (or non-receiver, as the case may be). For that matter, I run entirely on whim, compulsion, and emotion. I am creative, not consistent.
I love structure, both only self-imposed. I love to organize and reorganize things. I'm OCD. When I find a system I like, everyone around me had better stick to it unless they have some system that works better (and they best convince me of why). If it is just a matter of opinion, my way works because it is my way.
Don't ask me for directions. I can get lost in a wet paper bag, with a compass, flashlight, map, and guide dog. It doesn't matter if it is somewhere I go every day. I can still get lost. I will probably call YOU asking for directions. The only time you should consider asking me for directions is if you think I'm home and you want me to MapQuest something and guide you there over the phone. Yes, I still use MapQuest and not Google Maps. Why? Because I've had better luck with it and it gives me walking directions easily. I often use it in conjunction with Google Street View, though.
I am indifferent to recycling. I do recycle, but I also drink bottled water (you can't drink DC tap, it is full of lead and other heavy metals). I recognize that by not having children, my overall environmental impact is less than yours if you have only one child, even if I drive a Hummer run on Spotted Owls back and forth through my apartment just to get to the bathroom. If you have more than one kid, I could flush full bottles of insecticide down the sewers and probably still have less overall impact. That's just the facts. And just because I'm opposed to breeding in general doesn't mean I will deny you the right to pop out as many pups as you want, but don't kid yourself into thinking that if you teach your child steps to reduce their impact that it somehow makes it okay. Because that's bullshit. Teaching a child to recycle and compost and grow their own food is good; but at the end of the day, it's practically a joke compared to the amount of environmental damage they will do over a lifetime, and over their children's lifetime. Just say, hey, I wanted kids for my own selfish enjoyment/self-fulfillment and I love the little morpions, deal with it. That I can respect. I can respect a little selfishness and would rather see that over self-delusion any day.
Sometimes I'm a hypocrite, but I try not to be. It isn't because I'm lying, it's just I'm governed by whim and sometimes change my mind midstream. What's good for me isn't necessarily good for you, anyway.
I'm often silly and childish. Playtime is fun. I go to every extreme; it's how I find balance.
I like pets more than people, even pets I generally don't like (cats, why are all my friends cat-lovers? I treat cats the way they treat me, we understand one other and have a generalized mistrust. I just recognize the psychotic murderer in them, because I'm never self-delusional.) I hate iguanas and think armadillos are nasty. They look cute in cartoons but not real life. Bugs are gross. All bugs are gross, except maybe ants. I think butterflies are hairy worms with wings and don't understand why folks are so fascinated by them.
And the list goes on, but I'm not sure I am awake enough to list everything. I like good food. I'm a picky eater. I eat meat. I know that farm animals wouldn't exist except I want to eat them. I believe in treating farm animals fairly; they die for my enjoyment. I acknowledge that living beings DIE purely for MY PLEASURE. I see nothing wrong in this, mostly because I believe nothing ever really dies. If everything really lives in some form or another, forever, then you can't actually kill anything. So just because you ingest some meat, doesn't make it dead.
I am painfully honest. I rarely lie, but I don't always tell the truth either.
I wander off in the middle of trains of thought. Goodnight.