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Sat, Apr. 26th, 2014, 10:39 pm
Issues in Pain

Hating my GP right now, although I can understand her reluctance to keep prescribing me pain meds. She sent me to pain management to "fob me off" on them, but pain management understandably didn't want to have 57 different drs writing me prescriptions. So they agreed to consult with my GP and tell her what to write for me, only somewhere along the line she's never been getting information from them. Last appt, my GP told me this would be my last prescription, until she received something written from the pain dr, while of course doing no effort on her part to really get said thing because she really doesn't want to be writing for pain meds. And I can't just flip drs for pain meds, because that WOULD look like I was drug seeking. Although I suppose technically I am; it's not my fault my GP is being difficult with medication I actually need.

I'm counting out my pills, and scrimping, and in pain. I will probably have to cancel my weekly therapy session just because I don't have the meds necessary to go. I also can't do anything this weekend.

When I complained during my last appt that she was only writing me 40 pills at a time (I take 4-6 a day if I am active, 2 if I stay in bed all day resting on a non-pain day), my GP went through a song and dance routine about:

*you've been on these for a long time (duh I have a CHRONIC pain condition, it's why you sent me to PAIN MANAGEMENT)

*you take a lot every day (I used to take 2-3, now I take 4-6, I've been on them about 2 years...it's not like I'm swallowing them by the handful. I told her my pain dr said it was ok, I can take up to 8 pills a day safely. After that, I need to switch to a different drug.) She seems to not believe me or be skeptical of this information, saying that was only short term amounts. What, I'm going to lie about what is safe for my liver/kidneys? Fine, go check all of those myriad resources you have at your fingertips, being a doctor. Have your nurse call a pharmacist. Run a check of my liver and kidney function to make sure all is working properly.

*I take more recently because I'm trying to be more active, not because my tolerance is that much higher. It is somewhat, but I just deal with the extra pain. I need pain meds in order to do stuff, period.

*She used to give me NINETY pills at a time, with REFILLS, and I didn't abuse them then. In all the history of all of my pain meds (and sleeping meds, for that matter), I've never had issue with them. So why get all anal-retentive with me now, when I've been on them for years? You can see exactly how much I'm getting; call the flippin' pharmacy if you want. I was totally honest about my issues with addiction then and now, and they have nothing to do with pain meds, and at this date, considering how long I've been on them, it is unlikely that I will ever have problems with them. I even have a genetic test that says I'm not predisposed toward heroin addiction (which I assume has some relation since the drugs are related, although I'm not sure). I have a problem with uppers, not downers, which is related to low dopamine levels in the brain, rather than opioids and endorphins etc. We'd be on a whole different page if I were asking for Ritalin.

*There is this invention called the TELEPHONE and FAX MACHINE. If you aren't getting the information you need, you have staff and nurses that work for you, including a whole records department. Why won't you just request the records from my pain doctor? Your excuse is that the pain doctor didn't send you information, but I don't see you asking for it either. The pain doctor says she sent it, but obviously between their records dept and your records dept, something isn't getting through (they are both horrible, by the way). Still, someone could request stuff. Instead, I'm forced to have the pain doctor hand write a letter, which I will then have to go back to pick up, and then sneaker-foot it to you during an appointment? What is this, the 1800s? Next will you request it be sent by pony express? And if you tell me that me bringing you the information directly doesn't count, I will probably do something I regret, like start breaking things and screaming, or at the very least pull out my own hair by the roots.

That was when she told me this was the last rx she'd write for me. I could have kicked myself. If I hadn't have complained, I'd still have pain meds now. I have 12 pills to last until my appt next week...make that 10 pills since I just had to take two of them. This weather is not cooperating with me, as my joints flare up when the barometric pressure drops (basically, anytime before it rains). I also have to take one to sleep, at least if I want to sleep well. I haven't needed sleeping pills besides melatonin in awhile, so I've been considering trying to skip the pain pill at night in exchange for the stronger prescription sleeping pill. I'd be in a drugged, pain-filled sleep.

If she doesn't write for them next week, I don't know what I'll do. It was bad enough I was curled up in a ball, crying with pain tonight, debating whether or not it was worth it to use up my pain pills, and whether I could tough it out on one instead of two. For those who have no experience, you can't just take one, and then take another if the first doesn't work; pain pills are less effective that way. Taking two at once is more effective than taking two separately, even though they overlap and common sense tells you both should be working at the same time so it shouldn't matter. But it does.

They work best if you take them before the pain is bad, of course, that's actually how you take the fewest overall, but I don't have enough left to be reasonable and take them in that way. That's why often times I'll take them before an activity that I know causes pain (pretty much leaving the house or going to do anything), so the pill is working before pain ever hits in force. In that way, I can take a single pill and it will last the full amount of time, instead of wearing off an hour before I can take another one.

This all feels so hopeless. Counting and hoarding pills makes me feel like an addict. It's no wonder if this sends me tailspinning back into addiction. It's enough to make one suicidal, considering I could be at the brink of endless pain with no relief in sight.

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Sun, Apr. 27th, 2014 06:21 am (UTC)

Do not be sad, Be happy that you are alive ! If you did not read my recent entry on my LJ Journal ... On September 20th 2013 I had open heart surgery. Yep, the cut me open from just below my neck to my stomach. They replace my Aorta, the Aorta Valve and did a by-pass inside my heart. I lived. Could have died at any moment. Went to the hospital due to stomach pains and they discovered my heart problem. Same thing that killed John Ritter. Though in a few days, May 6th, I have to go back for another procedure. This time they will not cut me open but will run a thing up through a artery in my leg to my heart and vaporize something or other in my heart. If everything goes all right I will be treated as an "Out" Patient. Anyway, just saying ...