Yesterday, Day 8
BREAKFAST: I had a taco, because there was plenty leftover (as well as plenty of rice & beans) and took my meds. But then my stomach started to hurt, and weirdly I felt dizzy, sick, my ears started ringing. I couldn't decide if it was my blood sugar, low from not having eaten as much as I normally would in the morning, or maybe just my meds and not having eaten quite enough beforehand.
LUNCH: Ate a bowl of the rice & beans, of course I WOULD choke while doing it (ugh), but did get that down and then took a nap before I had to head out to an appointment. I felt much better for the nap, even though it was shorter than I wanted, and the food.
DINNER: After the appointment, I bought a salad at a place I can eat. The dressing was a bit sweet, but I used it sparingly, and I've had it before, so there's no reason why later my stomach would start hurting again and much worse.
Before that, however, I would be tired, which caused me to head home early instead of hanging out with friends. It was only after I got home that the real stomachache began. Crawled into bed for a four-hour "nap" and woke up in pain. Had some more tea, including one that is a mild laxative (it usually takes 2-3 days drinking it in a row to have effect, which is a lot nicer than some of the nasty pills, even if you have deal with the bloated icky feeling in the meantime). For all of this wondrous diet and the amount of fiber I've been eating, my stomach has been pretty bound up and I can't think why. Maybe, again, it's the meds. Who the hell knows anymore. I was up for a couple hours in the night, made myself another taco and some herbal mint "tea" and went back to bed.
Today, Day 9
When I woke up I was automatically depressed, automatically angry, and before my eyes were opened I knew it was late in the day. I looked at the clock, 1630. Yeah, very late. The whole day gone and I've done nothing but be in bed, a guarantee for a shitty mood. AgtOrange's philosophy is "if you slept all day it's because you were tired." Well, I'm always tired, so what? And what's more, I still couldn't get up. I'm still exhausted, and my stomach still hurts. I got as far as a bottle of water and my first, pre-food meds, before he came home.
(BREAKFAST) He was the one who scrambled me some eggs, so that I could have my meds, only I didn't even manage to do that. I fell back into a doze, and now I might need to eat some more before I can take my "morning meds" at probably 2100 by the time I eat again. And then wait a couple of hours, eat a last time, take my night meds, and go to bed. Yippee! What a day; what a waste. I'd had planned to do so much, and just threw it out the window, and it just sucks. And, since I have other things going on tomorrow, I'm going to have to delay until Friday. I'm going to be rushed to keep up, I just don't know how I will manage now. As usual.
Stupid fucking body has betrayed me yet again.
I'll probably have leftovers today and tomorrow. And I probably won't blog tomorrow.
I woke up today and realized I'd been in love with a voice, the memory of a ghost, for almost as long as I can remember. Whose song and cadence, whose rhythm has soothed my heart in shadow through every trial I step.
A voice I will never hear.
The voice of a ghost, of a memory, of a dream.